so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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