I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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