there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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