One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
