I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
