Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
