i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
