I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
