white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
