I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
