If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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