First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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