Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize