He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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