Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
