is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
