Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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