ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
