can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
