I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
