I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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