Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
