If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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