I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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