Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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