So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
