I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
