You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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