I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
