Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
