Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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