If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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