Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
