i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
