My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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