JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
