if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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