you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
