You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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