I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
