I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No subtext here. People are naked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
