some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
