I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
