i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she peed on how many people?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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