WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
