I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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