Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
