yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize
