i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
