you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize