I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
