I heard we made out
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
