people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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