the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
