It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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