Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
