so that wasnt chicken after all
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
