I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
