sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
