Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
