Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
