Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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