god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
