i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
