I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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