Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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