So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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