He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
