he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
