hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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