Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
