from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
