her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
