she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
