how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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