Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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