Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?