Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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