Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm