Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

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  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (12620) Bad night (1640)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf

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  (905): No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf http://tfl.nu/d4pp
  Replies (8) Good night (863) Bad night (3874)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (2022) Bad night (1005)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.

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  (662): Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse. http://tfl.nu/b0l0
  Replies (6) Good night (1654) Bad night (914)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.

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  (603): Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic. http://tfl.nu/b5pl
  Replies (2) Good night (1872) Bad night (586)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.

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  (662): Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference. http://tfl.nu/teq1
  Replies (7) Good night (2417) Bad night (695)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.

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  (519): No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike. http://tfl.nu/0ndc
  Replies (15) Good night (824) Bad night (1769)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.

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  (706): Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with. http://tfl.nu/r42s
  Replies (13) Good night (2736) Bad night (639)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it

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  (503): Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it http://tfl.nu/r81k
  Replies (14) Good night (3361) Bad night (621)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.

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  (320): Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later. http://tfl.nu/4ix3
  Replies (8) Good night (1369) Bad night (545)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note

  (1+44): View more from

  Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!

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  (+44): Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note (1+44): Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud! http://tfl.nu/x31j
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (566)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.

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  (305): Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault. http://tfl.nu/pad6
  Replies (3) Good night (582) Bad night (1024)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (747) Bad night (1231)
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  (+91): View more from India

  I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !

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  (+91): I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' ! http://tfl.nu/au1d
  Replies (4) Good night (788) Bad night (429)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?

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  (413): So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober? http://tfl.nu/dhkh
  Replies (1) Good night (325) Bad night (473)

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