All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.