margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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