im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.