forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.