apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
