I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How's work?
Spinning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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