Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
