I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
